Suicide Survivor

I am a suicide survivor and this is one of the most deeply personal blog entries that I will write.

A suicide survivor isn't someone who has attempted suicide and lived, it is one of the people left behind after a suicide.

On February 28, 2014, my partner and best friend killed himself. Apparently, he took a dose of cyanide, and although he "lived" for three days until March 2, 2014, he died that Friday when he heard the "guilty" verdict from a jury that was prevented from hearing the full story.

One of the struggles that many suicide survivors go through is thinking that the one gone didn't love them. I'm here to tell you that isn't true.

Often, the only reason a suicide has lived one more hour, one more day, is out of love for those around them and a desire to not cause them pain.

Jon and I had many discussions about his depression and suicidality. I had no illusions that he spent much of his time wanting to die, especially after the lies that destroyed his faith in many people.

What I never doubted either was that his love for me (as well as his mother and sister) was what kept him going for almost two years.

We both knew that the verdict that came down would be used by the same corrupt individuals to try to destroy my life and that of my children. Oddly enough, the lesson that Jon indirectly taught my children was that true family stands together, even through the bad times; and that love and faith in truth and justice is more important than money and power and desire for fame.

So I know that his love for me kept him going, kept him strong, kept him wearing his "mask" to appear as though he was okay.

But there are so many other ways that he expressed his love for me.

At the end of the day, I would come home to dishes washed, dinner ready or planned, and a relatively clean house. If you think this is "no big deal", keep in mind that Jon's depression would keep him in bed curled up in a ball on many days, and the energy he expended to get up and do those things would make him sleep for hours later.

Jon would be the one to say - "let's go...(fishing, out to dinner, to the movies)" because he knew that I wasn't ashamed of him and wasn't scared of what other people would think. To accomplish this, he had to muster up all his strength because every time he went in public he was frightened that people would point their fingers or believe the worst of him.

Depression is a dark and ugly and scary world, and one that I had problems dealing with...so I had to frame it in the abstract, make it hypothetical. I did this out of my love for Jon, because it was part of him that I had to deal with in order to stay by his side.

And it got very dark and scary at times - but Jon's love for me is what kept him on the straight and narrow path.

Depression was part of Jon when he returned into my life. We had known each other from seventh grade through graduation, but had lost touch along the way. In the intervening years, life had dealt him some nasty turns, and that's when the depression really grabbed hold of him.

His love for me was what made him listen when all he wanted to do was wreak havoc on those who had worked to destroy him.

His love for me was what kept him from utilizing all his resources to take down those corrupt individuals who decided that money, power, job security, political position, were far more important than five children, two adults, and their friends and family members.

Jon was brilliant, far too smart to have ever done what he was accused of doing, and able to accomplish pretty much anything he set his mind to do. This is the same man who somehow manufactured cyanide and was able to kill himself while in court custody - something that most other people wouldn't think was even possible.

I learned far more than I needed to know about the Silk Road, the upper echelon of Anonymous, zero day apps, honey pots, LD50, and more. And none of those was utilized, because Jon listened to me out of love, and realized that it wouldn't be the right thing.

So at the end of the day, love wins.

Jon didn't commit suicide - he was issued a death sentence. The verdict didn't come from the misguided jury, it came from the judge who chose to suppress all evidence of Jon's innocence. It came from the District Attorney and Assistant District Attorney that denied him justice, persecuted and prosecuted an innocent man, and harassed his family and friends. It came from the DSS attorney who repeatedly stated to OUR attorneys that he knew all the charges were "BS", but that he had been "ordered" to proceed by the county government to avoid a lawsuit.

I'm not sure how any of you sleep at night, but kiss your integrity goodbye. You lost that when you deliberately, and with malice aforethought, sent an innocent man to die.

Stand up, speak out, expose corruption!

Gaslighting

Ken Shaw is a master at gaslighting - however the only people who believed him were those who were less intelligent than him, the DSS attorney and the AFCs.

One of the nastiest stunts he pulled was filing a false report with the local police department, as described below:

Let's start with the obvious - Jon Massey was not at the house and had not been at the house since the onset of this matter when he was served with the orders of protection. Not only was he NOT at the house, at the time in question he was at an appointment with his therapist, and then making the follow-up appointment with the receptionists (yes, plural).

In fact, what should stand out is that while Ken Shaw was calling the police, his wife Mary had already gotten on the computer, logged on to the website for the local police scanner, and had put on headphones to make sure she heard what happened.

I'll add another layer of context for you - Ken and Mary live in another country, approximately three hours away. In order for Mary to even know that there was a police scanner website for our locality, the two of them would have had to research it IN ADVANCE. Just as she was ready IN ADVANCE to listen to what happened as a result of the false police report. That sounds like pure premeditation.

It is odd that when the police actually showed up at the house, neither my daughter nor I were here - I had left to deal with some insurance issues with my son, and my daughter had left to pick up a friend from work.

More to the point, neither of us had EVER told Ken Shaw that Jon was sneaking into the house - what he had been told in August was that Jon was living with his mother over 20 miles away.

As to "Jon's car"? It was actually registered to his mother, and while living with her, then his sister, and finally a friend of ours, he had no need of the car as others were available to him. So his mother had allowed my daughter to use the car to transport herself to the local college and her job, as Jon was no longer available to do so.

In fact, at visitations on at least three occasions prior to the false report, IN FRONT OF Ken and Mary Shaw, my daughter had told her youngest sister about driving the car to and from school and work. Additionally, the caseworkers had seen the car parked IN THE DRIVEWAY OF OUR HOUSE on two home visits they conducted.

But what truly gives this away as completely premeditated was this email from the DSS Attorney to the caseworker - dated 20 DAYS before Ken Shaw's attempt at filing a false police report:

The person who approached the DSS Attorney was Ken Shaw's attorney, obviously setting the stage for the false reports.

Once Ken Shaw was unsuccessful at his initial attempt, the CPS caseworkers jumped right on the ball and directly contacted the head detective at the police department with the following email:

She sent a copy of Ken Shaw's email above, and received the following cc - the head detective contacted the second in command at the police department:

The result was that our house was raided at about 3 am Sunday morning - searched top to bottom by police officers who tracked mud all through the house. And once again, Jon Massey was not there. Why? Because unlike Ken Shaw (who has lied to police by his own admission under oath and by his actions above, has lied to a judge under oath, and who has a long history of being a scofflaw) Jon Massey believed in playing by the rules.

Rules which were violated not only by the DSS Attorney, but also by the ADAs and the judges involved in the Jon Massey case.

Ken Shaw lit a torch that helped lead to an innocent man's death. Playing with fire...

Bottom Feeding Sharks

This entire blog is meant in no disrespect to any actual sharks, real bottom feeders, or attorneys who take the concept of justice seriously.

However during the course of our three year ordeal, we have met many attorneys who not only have no respect for justice, they wouldn't know the truth if it hit them in the face. This is combined with their apparent belief that their behavior is beyond scrutiny and reproach.

A first example is the DSS attorney who repeatedly stated that he knew that all the charges were "BS" (as he told one witness, Jon and I, and several of our attorneys), but that he was "under orders" to go ahead with the case anyways.

The second and third examples are the District Attorneys.

Fourth and fifth are the Attorneys for Child for my youngest daughter and Ruby.

However, the Bottom Feeding Shark of the year award really needs to go to Ken Shaw's attorney.

Read the linked entries to find out to just what depths some of these "people" will descend.

Finally, the behavior of the the judges involved in this case demonstrates their total lack of regard for principles of law, justice, and truth.

It's All About MORE Money!

For a preview of how CPS turned Ruby into a cash cow, read The Jon Massey Case

Within three days of Ruby making false allegations, CPS realized that their case was going to fall apart unless they acted. The coerced me into signing her into "respite care" which would put her under their control and from there they fast-tracked her into foster care.

But 'winning' an abuse case to avoid a lawsuit wasn't the only goal. Within weeks of having the judge move her from respite to foster care, CPS filed for child support against me and my ex-husband, Ruby's father.

Let's do the math: I paid them $386 bi-weekly, and her father paid them $629 bi-weekly. This went on for over two years (25 months to be exact)! Ruby was in foster care for 19 months. The per diem cost for foster care was less than $20 a day (the figure was researched and given to us by a county legislator). Ruby was covered under my insurance (dental, medical, and vision) with only a $26 co-pay.

Total cost for foster care? Approximately $11,500. Total collected from her parents?Approximately $51,000. Profit to CPS? Around $39,500. This does not include state and federal funds received by CPS for a child in foster care.

An additional issue is that CPS collected around $12,000 from Ruby's parents while Ruby was in kinship care for six months - and did NOT pass-through any of the monies to that individual!

What a racket! Why would they bother to tell the truth?

And this is definitely a reason why they would launch a full-out attack on any parent who chose to fight back and file a lawsuit against them (as I did).

It is all about MORE money!

It's All About the Money!

For a background, check out the Jon Massey Case.

Our case is a clear demonstration that first and foremost in the mind of CPS is promoting cases that generate revenue - even when they are false!

Ruby was placed into foster care almost immediately (within 3 days) upon making the false allegations because CPS quickly realized that they had made a mistake and wouldn't be able to control her behavior unless they had physical control over her. Controlling her behavior was necessary because even in that short period the case workers became aware that her allegations were most likely false.

Within a month they had asked her father, my ex-husband, if he would take her. This is the man who they had cited in 2001 with child abuse, who had never completed his service plan, and who had entered an Alford Plea on the charges.

CPS WANTED TO PLACE A CHILD WITH A PERSON THEY DEEMED ABUSIVE!

He refused to take Ruby, and within a few more months they had persuaded him to relinquish his parental rights. The DSS attorney claimed that they had someone willing to adopt Ruby.

This was a man who had been making $150K + per year, and his child support obligation was fairly steep, so when the DSS attorney gave him what appeared to be the chance to get out from under that obligation, he jumped at the opportunity. Who wouldn't?

At the hearing, the DSS attorney presented the matter to the judge in such a way that even the judge believed that Ruby was going to be adopted in short order. The judge said that he would terminate the support obligation at the same time.

Suddenly, the DSS attorney put on the brakes! He told the judge that they didn't have someone to adopt her yet, and that Ruby's father should continue to pay support until Ruby was adopted. What the DSS attorney didn't inform Ruby's father was that there was a kinship placement (NOT adoption) in the works.

So - Ruby's father continued to pay support, the kinship placement went through, CPS collected child support from Ruby's father for six months without passing it through to the family member, and he continues to this day to pay child support to the family member that Ruby has been placed with.

It is all about the money, folks! Don't let anyone fool you into believing otherwise.

Here We Go Again!

Interesting coincidence - the article and my blog have gained a lot of traction over the weekend.

This has probably generated some consternation among those wishing to cover up their involvement, because we are back to some dirty tricks.

Episode 3:

Last night I did an interview on Parent Revolution with Tim Skomo, and an anonymous person showed up in the online chat.

Dear "anon4931" - let's see...first you post to the chat log of a radio interview under an "anon" ID, then you can't even tell a coherent story. 

If there was a "similar episode" in 2001 and the mother lost custody, then why were Ruby and her two sisters still living with the mother and in her full custody (and all three had been continuously in her custody since birth up until these false allegations by Ruby)?

And if the episode was "similar" and there was abuse that occurred, then how could the mother be doing PAS - wouldn't it be her job to keep the children away from the abuser from 2001?

Meanwhile, the true PAS - the father of her youngest child (and his wife) - even made multiple statements to CPS, attorneys, many other individuals, that he thought Ruby was a "liar" and making it all up. CPS even has it documented in their notes in several locations - as well as it being in his sworn testimony.

Nothing like being unable to even give coherent information. But you haven't been able to keep yourselves from lying to police, to judges, to each other. 

In fact, this man was such an obvious liar and so mentally unstable that the DSS attorney refused to allow him to be called at trial. After all, when someone can be proven to have lied to a judge (that is called perjury and a criminal offense), and has testified under oath to a different judge that he has lied to police, is he even a credible witness?

Maybe the transcripts and audio testimony of this man should be posted so that his friends and family are aware of just how out of control he is...after all, he has admitted to lying to them and involving them in his lies.

So yeah "anon4931", the mother would go on Steve Wilkos, as long as you go first. After all, the only one changing stories and lying is you.

Episode 2:

Although we have had well over $200,000 in legal expenses, apparently someone has attempted to register a complaint about our setting up a www.tfund.com/bottomfeedingsharks account to attempt to recoup some of our expenses. 

It would probably be whoever has MAC address 14:30:c6:e3:10:dc (oh, did I mention that your attempts to use a free wi-fi leaves a trail, so enjoy your Motorola device....) since the attempts to evade detection were so obvious.

This is SOP (standard operating procedure) for CPS in these matters. The quicker you can run a party out of money to present a defense, the more rapidly you can "win" a case. CPS never prevails on truth, they rely on the advocates for the truth running out of money and the ability to fight their case. See the entry on David and Goliath for details.

So for now, we have a PayPal donation button instead of being able to purchase a t-shirt to reflect your beliefs and support our cause. Once we get this squared away, we will be back up and running with t-shirts (and bumper stickers, and key chains, and whatever it takes to get the word out that the CPS and Family Court system is corrupt and needs to be reformed).

Addendum to Episode 2:

Really?

How well did that work for you?

Episode 1: I received an email from PayPal for a password change. This is one of my PayPal accounts that isn't linked to the email that I use for FB or Twitter, so to know the address it would take someone involved in the case. I called and learned that the password change attempt was done by telephone.

Dear mouth breathing sociopath : 

• PayPal logs phone numbers. 
• My account has been on higher levels of security since an individual suspected but not proven engaged in similar attacks about 5 years ago. 
• PayPal has obligingly provided me with the address for a subpoena.
• PayPal is in California and I reside in New York. I suspect that you are the idiot that lives in Canada. Even if you aren't, you have attempted identity theft and wire fraud that crosses state lines. That concerns the FBI and Homeland Security. If you are the idiot from Canada, that would also involve the CIA.
• "Burner" phones are still traceable.

Have a nice day.

We will stay updated. Let the fun and games begin!

"Dirty Tricks and Retribution" - Part 1

For the "start of the story", visit the Jon Massey Case.

The abuse from CPS/DSS and the Jefferson County Court System was beyond belief. When I tell my sister about it she thinks I am exaggerating because the incidents are so out of control.

The title for this blog comes from an email I received four months after Jon's death. There is a VERY short list of people who had my email address, so it isn't hard to know that it came from one of those people (most of them employed by DSS/CPS or the DA's office).

So I received this email, clicked on the link, and it went directly to a news article about Jon's death. I managed to get a chuckle because Jon had years before purchased the domain names that referenced my name with middle initial and my name by nickname. The abusive idiot who did this was left with "sloppy seconds".

An IT friend of mine was all set to trace the individual, but within two hours the account had been closed and "no longer existed" according to Google.

A few days later I discovered that I had missed something that had been sent to my "Other" inbox on Facebook, apparently on the same day.

Once again, the account had either been closed immediately, or I had been blocked. These are actions of a VERY immature but manipulative and devious individual.

All of this occurred a few days AFTER I was called into the office by my immediate supervisor. (I will not name them, because they had obviously been manipulated by individuals of the same ilk.) I was told that I might be getting a disciplinary letter in my file because "friends and family of the judge" were upset about what I was posting on Facebook about the case, and because I had a GoFundMe account that I was posting about the case on. I was posting on MY Facebook page, and MY GoFundMe account - information that is contained in the article about Jon Massey and what was done to him in criminal court. The phrase "friends and family of a certain judge" was repeated several times. The individuals who went to my employer were upset and said that they "didn't think they could work with me" anymore because of my posts.

Let me get something straight about my philosophy - each of us is our own individual. We are not our friends or our family members. We each deserve to be treated with dignity and respect for who and what we are, not for the behaviors and actions of those around us. If I have a problem with someone, it is because I have a problem with them, not anyone they are related to or in contact with. We all have skeletons in the closet and those crazy or deranged family members, so I'm not one to throw stones.

Sidebar aside, I did not get a disciplinary letter when I made it clear that my posts were made on MY time, on MY account, from MY devices.

Before that point, my house had been subjected to multiple raids by the police based on false reports filed by Ken Shaw, his attorney Ruthanne Sanchez, his wife Mary Shaw, Eileen Ruggiero (the DSS caseworker), and Michael D. Werner (the DSS attorney). I have the email record, so obligingly provided in the DSS discovery, that demonstrates the involvement of all of those individuals. The pretext of the police raids was that Jon Massey was supposedly living at my house in violation of the Orders of Protection.

From the date of the allegations until all orders of protection were lifted (July 11, 2013) Jon initially lived at his mother's apartment in Carthage, NY. Then he moved in with his sister in Carthage, NY for about two months. Finally, he lived with our friend in Watertown from sometime in late October/early November 2012 until her death in July 2013. Carthage is about 30 minutes away from Watertown.

The raids were initiated by Ken Shaw in January 2012, who lied and claimed that I told him Jon was "sneaking in the back door at night", and who also lied and said that he "heard Jon calling the dog" while I was on the phone with my youngest daughter. Let's get some information straight - my house is completely enclosed with a 6 foot fence and Jon was 5'6" and had some medical conditions that would have prevented him from easily climbing the fence; additionally, the only entrance(s) were through the garage/gate on a driveway shared with my neighbor who works for Jefferson County Sheriff's Department and has a dog that barks if you sneeze. Secondly, Ken Shaw lives over three hours away in Canada and would have no knowledge of what happens on a day to day basis in my house.

Once Ken Shaw kicked it off, DSS and Ken's attorney jumped on board. After the first time the police showed up, there were two more episodes. The first time was about 5 pm, and they not only didn't find Jon (who was at a medical appointment the full time in question), my daughter and I had already left the house.

The second time was about 3 am that weekend - my daughter called me because they were pounding on the door. She let them in, but Jon and I were at a hotel (security cameras can document). They searched the entire house and tracked mud all through at the same time.

The third time they showed up was about 1 am around a week or so later. Two of the kids who are friends with my daughter were there out front, and the police specifically asked for Jon. Ironically, one of the kids was named John, and after clarifying that the police weren't looking for him, the kids both informed the police that Jon Massey didn't live at the house. So the police found reasons to ticket the kids for their cars and then left.

The next round was in early February 2014. The DA served me with a subpoena for Jon's trial at 11:30 pm on a work night - apparently specific orders were left to serve me during the 11 pm to 7 am shift - and I was told by a police officer that I "was lucky they didn't serve me at 2 am". When I was served for the first trial on the original charges, it was at about 4 pm and a courtesy call was made in advance to arrange service. Can you imagine being woken up at 11:30 pm from a sound sleep to a police officer pounding on your door? I actually had a Letter to the Editor published in the Watertown Daily Times regarding this abuse of power.

These are just a few of the dirty tricks that were engaged in because Jon and I "dared" to fight back and try to get the truth heard.

The DSS Attorney

For the "start of the story", visit the Jon Massey Case.

This is the man who stated to two defense attorneys, Jon and I, and Andy Williams that he "knew" all the charges were BS, but that he and the DA were "under orders" to keep going after Jon and I. The county was trying to avoid ANOTHER lawsuit. For the record, his Facebook page was wide open for me to view and save the pictures.

Now the pic above just demonstrates the hypocrisy of this guy - he openly posts a picture that any "Joe Plumber" would get their child taken away for. But he claims that it was just "a joke". Hmmm...a child actually latched inside a crate that is for a dog and probably has animal feces and urine residue inside is a JOKE?

And this is the same guy who puts in his petitions that parents aren't allowed to consume alcohol within 24 hours of contact with their wrongfully removed children - obviously out of control intoxicated with alcohol bottles all over the tables.

Stand up, speak out, expose CPS!
(You can reach this fine, upstanding example of humanity at: Michael.Werner@dfa.state.ny.us)