I was watching an episode of Elementary the other day, and Sherlock said something to the effect of "when you frame someone, the best result is for the framed person to end up dead, that way they can never prove their innocence".
This is the same goal for a parent who sets out to deliberately alienate a child (children) from the other parent. If the alienated parent ends up dead, the alienator wins. There is no way for that parent to prove their innocence and love for the child(ren).
After all, when an alienator sets out on their path of destruction, they don't just target the parent, the entire circle of family and friends gets drawn in to the abuse. Either others become supporters, or they also become secondary targets of alienation.
For the longest time, the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" was legitimately recognized as a valid concept. It takes both parents (whether together or apart) and both sides of the family, as well as the extended network of friends on both sides to truly help a child grow into a productive member of society. This is how our society once grew and prospered, and it was revisited again as recently as this past decade in educational circles.
Yet this whole idea is totally contrary to the interests of a sociopathic, psychopathic, or narcissistic parent. A parent who alienates the other parent and/or all family members and friends is not interested in raising a healthy child. They are interested in being the center of the universe, and the focus of their child's attention.
Saddest of all is when the alienated parent dies.
I witnessed just such an episode. In this case, the parent was custodial and able to minimize the negativity and attacks by the other parent simply because it could only occur during visitation.
However, once this parent died, the alienator was given custody and immediately kicked into overdrive - making up for years of lost time.
The children were completely isolated from the network of family and friends that they had once enjoyed. Any requests for contact or visits was rebuffed or given conditionally. (The alienator was placing financial demands on others - employment or outright requests for money) as the terms for "possibly" seeing the children.)
It is time to take a stand - to promote awareness of this form of psychological and emotional abuse directed at children and parents. It is time for the "family" courts to recognize that it is a real phenomenon and to enact appropriate evaluative techniques to minimize or prevent its occurrence.
It is time to stand up, speak out, and expose the flaws in our system!
This is the same goal for a parent who sets out to deliberately alienate a child (children) from the other parent. If the alienated parent ends up dead, the alienator wins. There is no way for that parent to prove their innocence and love for the child(ren).
After all, when an alienator sets out on their path of destruction, they don't just target the parent, the entire circle of family and friends gets drawn in to the abuse. Either others become supporters, or they also become secondary targets of alienation.
For the longest time, the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" was legitimately recognized as a valid concept. It takes both parents (whether together or apart) and both sides of the family, as well as the extended network of friends on both sides to truly help a child grow into a productive member of society. This is how our society once grew and prospered, and it was revisited again as recently as this past decade in educational circles.
Yet this whole idea is totally contrary to the interests of a sociopathic, psychopathic, or narcissistic parent. A parent who alienates the other parent and/or all family members and friends is not interested in raising a healthy child. They are interested in being the center of the universe, and the focus of their child's attention.
Saddest of all is when the alienated parent dies.
I witnessed just such an episode. In this case, the parent was custodial and able to minimize the negativity and attacks by the other parent simply because it could only occur during visitation.
However, once this parent died, the alienator was given custody and immediately kicked into overdrive - making up for years of lost time.
The children were completely isolated from the network of family and friends that they had once enjoyed. Any requests for contact or visits was rebuffed or given conditionally. (The alienator was placing financial demands on others - employment or outright requests for money) as the terms for "possibly" seeing the children.)
It is time to take a stand - to promote awareness of this form of psychological and emotional abuse directed at children and parents. It is time for the "family" courts to recognize that it is a real phenomenon and to enact appropriate evaluative techniques to minimize or prevent its occurrence.
It is time to stand up, speak out, and expose the flaws in our system!
3 comments:
Your post hits a deep vein in my emotions. I was seven when my parents divorced and had I known better, I would have ignored both of them. My "village" wilted when mutual seeds of distrust were sown by both of the people I loved and trusted the most, about the people I loved and trusted the most. As an adult, I wish they would have put their differences aside and kept their personal issues within the boundaries of mature emotion.
To this day, my ideas about marriage, child-rearing, and family have been distorted because my parents couldn't learn to grow up. I was the child in the situation; as an adult my life has been negatively impacted because both my parents had "died" by committing moral suicide themselves.
I'm not trying to be cliche, but think of the children. As primary examples to children, parents should put aside their personal differences when their relationships work out. The deriving of emotion pleasure from destroying your ex, puts thorns and obstacles in your child's development path that are extremely difficult to overcome.
I appreciate it, Mom and Dad.
Very well written, James. I appreciate the invitation to read your work. I wish you the best in your endeavors.
Thank you for your commentary, James and especially Silent Vector. It is understandable that often hard feelings can accompany a separation and/or divorce, but what needs to be remembered above all is that children ARE NOT your friends/confidantes/partners.
Children are your gift to raise, and a large responsibility, and should be treated as such, not used as pawns in a battle to prove who is "right" and who is "wrong" when a relationship fails.
As a single parent I most certainly agree. however I have to say the parent that chooses to leave, should not be held in the same light as the parent that raises the child. Neither should an abusive mate be considered for parent of the year...
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